My name is Aryan. Vermillion Red is the color of my Blood. I'm a young warrior and I am weak, it's okay and totally cool -- it's okay to be weak, if we are wise enough. I am not lost. Plenipotentiary -- I am a newly assigned diplomat for myself with a mission representing all the system and creatures within me. I believe and trust in democracy with a pinch of autocratic rule.
"Kapag nagmahal ka ng totoo, makakagawa ka ng mga bagay na pagsisisihan mo pero handa ka harapin angkahit basta magkahawak-kamay kayo. Dahil kapag nakita mo na ang taong para sa'yo, ayaw mo nang bumitaw."
So true, many times I thought that I can always be better off just the way I was years back when I have nothing but just to look after myself -- that I was far better chasing my dreams until I got married almost five years ago. I was to find out that I've missed lessons in life such as chasing my dreams but these aren't good excuses, I realized. I thought sometimes that I can be better by myself and why shouldn't I?
So there, I realized how much I miss myself but I wont ever afford to loose this one and only person that I love so far. We've seen each other grow over the years is overwhelming. I may have some dreams to chase but it can't be all about me this time -- that when I love someone which I am, therefore things will come along that I may regret in time but I must ready myself so long as we stay together, because I know that I have the right one beside me, then I shouldn't let go...
Somewhere along the way, just as you thought and expected that all is so close to being mighty well, we may sometimes wake up one day saddened by being too realistic.
I started dreaming again just recently. It made my heart overwhelmingly happy for such a time. It gave me hope -- enough evidence to sustain my belief. I tired myself. I hurried each day to turn it into weeks, months thereafter and finally seven years had passed. Empty-handed so far so bad. Somewhat excruciating -- this pinch in my heart as I'm trying to accept that life is unfair. My apologies for my negativity. This is just once-off --I'll try my best.
I've been working hard and you know it. Even my simplest dream is yet too far from being real. I started questioning my fate, I may sound like a looser and it's so sad. Why am I not born rich? I feel so deprived, belittled by our affluent society, a slave to earn a little and pay my bills. I may still be lucky, in at least I have a decent living. But I still asked myself, why me? Why can't I be rich, or even have a good amount of money to buy my own car. There has been so much going on in my mind -- got a bunch of questions asked and still trying to cope up with a better understanding. The vacation trip I was planning months back is about to be cancelled simply because I can not afford it. I've got so much time to indulge in self-pitying, bring it on. When it rain, it really pours -- and mine is the other way around, not rain but storm.
Sigh... There's still more... How unfortunate that I loose focus again. Ideas about my ever increasing dilemma that lingers my mind for days is now unorganized and messy. So I will end this for now -- might continue depends on my mood swing. It's time to have some cold bottle of beers, I've got friends waiting for me just right outside my pad. It's Friday night and I need to try to have some fun for a while.